There’s just no easy way to say this: your biggest problem is you.

It’s not the weather, or the economy, or the government, or the alignment of the stars. It’s you. Phew! I’m glad we’ve sorted that out. Now, we can start getting you out of your own way.

Prepare yourself for Operation: You.

The Stuff That Happens TO You vs. BECAUSE of You

In life, there’s stuff that happens to you and stuff that happens because of you. One you have control of, the other you don’t.

The stuff that happens to you is often out of your control. Your boss is in a bad mood. Your football team got beaten in the playoffs. Your car won’t start. Many of these things you cannot control. Perhaps you can influence them. For example, servicing your car regularly means it probably will start, but largely that stuff just happens. If you put too much effort into worrying about it you’ll waste the energy you could actually use to effect some positive change in your life.

The stuff that happens because of you and your actions is completely in your control. In understanding this, you put the power in your own hands and remove it from those around you. Meaning, no one else can prevent you from getting what you want. And that’s why I wrote earlier that you have to get out of your own way.

Are You at the Cause or the Effect?

Psychology students are taught about external and internal loci of control. An external locus of control is when you believe external factors control your situation. While an internal locus of control is when you believe you are in control. An internal locus of control sees you taking responsibility for what is happening in your life.

The key is personal responsibility. When you take responsibility for what is happening in your life, then you put yourself in a position of power. You put yourself in a position from which you can achieve your dreams.

NLP practitioners learn about cause and effect. When you are in control, you are at cause — you cause your results. When you are at effect, the external world affects your outcomes. Understanding the differences between these two positions is essential.

Cause is a position of empowerment. Effect is disempowering. The position of effect allows you to explain away your poor outcomes. Cause doesn’t let you off the hook. If you want positive outcomes in your life, you have to be responsible and in control of your responses, actions, and outcomes.